What happens when I just start writing without an idea...

I have no idea where this post is going.
A lightbulb in my room went out and I'm blaming that for my lack of inspiration because you can't have a "Lighbulb moment" without a ligthtbulb. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

I babysat until two this morning, so you should all be really nice and go easy on me.

I'm so uninspired. CURSE YOU WRITER'S BLOCK.

I've just discovered that the 'p' key on my keyboard is being temperamental. The sad part is I can't even come up with a halfway decent joke about this.

What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?
Anyone can roast chicken...

My good friend Kiersten suggested I do a post on how perfect she is. But then I realised that would just make everyone else (me included) jealous of her perfection...
Hey, Asher, remember when I was going to write my speech on all the things I knew about you? Good times, good times.

I should have tried to write this at two o'clock this morning instead.

What WAS I doing at two AM?

That's right, I was trying to write a sonnet and kind of vaguely watching Wimbledon. I was actually quite proud of myself because I tend to write in eight syllable lines as opposed to ten syllable lines, so getting four ten syllable lines was quite an achievement. They're probably not iambic pentameter (stresses still confuse me a little, so I can't tell) but they're ten syllable rhyming lines, which is a pretty good effort at that time of night.

I asked my lovely boyfriend Daniel (who insisted on staying up to keep me company, bless him) what rhymed with return, to which he replied "Perm? Term? Derm? Firm?".

It took me about fifteen minutes to realise that none of those rhymed with return.

According to my text messages, I also realised the pun in FLOO powder. FLOO powder, chimney FLUE. Well played, J K Rowling. Well played.

And on that mindblowing note, I shall bid you all adieu.

Love, Jess
xoxox

Nothing like the last minute for getting things done...

Ok. It's  11:37. Therefore this post will be short. I will do better tomorrow. I promise.

I went skiing today. I managed several controlled descents even!
Side note: Have you got your impressed face on? You should have your impressed face on.

Once again I ate a lot of snow.

I also managed to step onto a bit of snow that wasn't so solid and end up knee deep in snow, whilst still in the process of walking, meaning I've twisted my knee a bit.

Attempted leg-breaking aside, I had a great time.

The best bit was the feeling of accomplishment after stopping without looking like a total dweeb.
The worst bit was carrying the skis and the gear.

I also enjoyed eating snow and spending time with my friend. And just being in the snow. I really do love snow, it's so beautiful and pure. Unlike me.

Today was possibly the first time in my life I've been told to keep my legs apart instead of together....

And on that note I will end this post, before the quality level drops even further.

I was going to write something constructive, but it's been a long day...

I just started wondering why I tend to use ellipses (which is the plural of ellipsis, I checked) in my titles, and I realised it's probably because the title is only the beginning and there's so much left to say. Which makes more sense than a lot of things that go on in my head, so there you go.

I still have no idea why I have a penchant for brackets, but I do know I've been using them since my early school years.

Today I played Airsoft. For those of you that don't know, this basically means I went and attempted to shoot people with, and not get shot by, small plastic balls shot at high speeds from replica guns.

It was pretty fun. I got to break in my new hiking shoes, get mud all over my new hiking shoes (oh, joy), walk around a lot and just generally try not to get shot or lost.

The swamp bits were quite fun. It was like playing "The floor is lava" but instead of lava it was water/mud.

Shooting at people was surprisingly exhilarating. So was being shot at, partially because suddenly a whole bunch of small white balls are flying at your face and you can almost convince yourself that it's snowing/hailing. I got a couple of bruises and some scratches from the prickly gorse, but all in all a great time was had and I'm definitely keen to do it again.

Did I mention I'm going skiing tomorrow? Well, I say skiing. Last time I went skiing was on a school trip maybe six years ago.

Funny story actually; I lost my skis right before the ski lesson I had signed up for was due to start. I have no idea how this happened but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have abandoned them to make a snowman. And to find out how snow tasted. I remember being very interested in how snow tasted.

But I digress. By the time I found my skis the lesson was halfway through and there was no point joining it. So I tried to figure it out on my own, at which point I very embarrassingly wiped out in front of a group of five-year-olds. Luckily, their instructor took pity on me (or perhaps on everyone who had to share a patch of snow with me) and taught me the "pizza slice" technique so that I could (theoretically) come to a controlled stop.

So, tomorrow ought to be fun. What I lack in skill and co-ordination I more than make up for in enthusiasm and determination. Plus, my concentration face is really funny. But not as funny as my television watching face, according to my friends. Who should definitely have been watching the news and not my face. Especially because they had just finished yelling at me for watching a book instead of the news. Thanks, Asher.

Also, there is a big rugby match on in my city tonight. The All Blacks are playing France. I should probably say something witty and intelligent but instead I'm just going to comment on the fact that I always found it amusing that All Black Andrew WHORE played in the position of HOOKER.

That's all for now.
If you have any ski tips, please let me know below.
Thanks,
Jess
xoxox

Titles are not my strong point. Thank goodness I don't write headlines.

It would probably be easier to write a title if I knew what the post would be about.

If all else fails, I'll write about turtles and grammatically challenged starfish.

Did you know rejigged is totally a legitimate word? I thought it was just something people said. Also, did you know that bologna is actually pronounced 'baloney'. Which is total baloney. Or bologna. Whichever you prefer.

I got really excited because I thought it was six months until my birthday today but it turns out that my computer displays the date the American way: 6/21/13. Which is a shame, because I totally think the 21st month would just be a massive party month. We could call it Rocktober. Although I'd much rather go to a library over a concert, so perhaps Readvember?

That wasn't even funny. I'm too tired for this stuff.

Resisting the urge to make cake jokes about being "two-tiered". Or bike jokes about being "two-tired".

Fun facts about me: My favourite Doctor Who episode is Vincent and the Doctor. Also, I like to play chess. I make terrible jokes. I've had a lot of pets.

I just made a twitter (basically to advertise my blog and attempt to be funny in small doses), which can be found here: https://twitter.com/BreatheMoments

I'll write something better later. Probably something about all the pets I've had.