Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Reframing: not just for pictures!

Well, I feel like I have a lot to live up to after the popularity of yesterday's post.
Here goes. We'll start with an anecdotal aside and see how we go.

So, today was mildly entertaining. We had some students from a class learning English as a second language come to visit our Journalism class for diversity week. Anyway, we did the standard get-to-know technique of interviewing each other and then introducing each other to the class. At which point I got introduced as "Jess, who is eighteen but looks younger." Fantastic. Just what I wanted to hear.

Anyway, reframing. I couldn't think of anything else to talk about so this is it. I don't even know if it's called reframing, but it is in my head and that's where this blog is from.

What is reframing, exactly? Well, it's basically debating with your head. Which is great for me because there are very few people who will debate with me any more.
Side note: Shout out to my friend Kiersten, who is awesome and gives me a real run for my money when we debate. She might have even won on occasion...ok, on every occasion.

Reframing has been particularly useful for me in learning how to take things less personally, and to deal with the fact that I used to perceive almost everything as a rejection. Once I notice a negative thought, a typical conversation in my head goes like this:

Negative brain: He said he can't call because he just doesn't want to talk to me.
Me: You know he's been really busy lately, he went to town today.
Negative brain: He managed to talk to his other friend. If he values you he should be able to find time to talk to you.
Me: Look, you know he values you, he shows it every day. You talk to him a lot. It's ok not to talk to him today. He still loves you.
Negative brain: But he doesn't want to talk to me (Negative brain, despite not having a face, is pouting by this point).
Me: Even if that was true, it's not the end of the world. He's allowed to not want to talk to you. It doesn't mean he never wants to talk to you again. It's not a rejection. It's alright.

By this point, not only have I challenged the negative thought, I've also managed to sneakily trick my brain into telling me exactly why I'm feeling upset/rejected. It's a win-win situation. Eventually, even Negative brain joins the party.


This has been really in making sure that I don't end up jeopardising relationships and interactions with people. Because after you've asked someone ten times if they're mad at you, they will have become mad at you.

I don't really have anything else to say today.
I know I promised funny, but this is the best I could do.
Tomorrow, perhaps.

Bye for now,

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